I remember sitting in a room full of ambitious professionals, all sharing what they do, how well they do it, and why you should refer to them.

And yet, at the end of the session, very few names stuck with me.

That’s when it hit me:

Getting referrals isn’t about sounding good. It’s about being remembered—for the right reasons.

For years, I believed that if I just asked more often, or pitched more aggressively, business would roll in.

But the more I pushed, the more it felt like chasing shadows.

I didn’t need more tactics.

I needed a mindset shift.

Here’s what changed the referral game for me:

1. I stopped pitching. I started listening.

The biggest unlock in my referral journey was this: People don’t refer to noise. They refer to solutions.

So I stopped showing up like a walking brochure and started asking better questions:

• What are you currently struggling with?
• Who’s your ideal client?
• How do you usually get business?

The more I listened, the more doors opened.

2. I gave first—with no mental tally.

Let’s be honest—we all like to help.

But when help comes with invisible strings, it shows.

Early on, I made a decision:

I’ll give referrals without expecting them back from the same person.

Instead of chasing reciprocation, I chased reputation.

People started trusting me as someone who knows people and helps them genuinely.

The result?

Referrals started coming from unexpected corners. Sometimes even from people I hadn’t directly helped—but had heard of me.

3. I made myself ridiculously referable.

Vague doesn’t scale.

I used to say things like “I help businesses grow.” That’s forgettable.

Now I say:

“I work with real estate consultants who are struggling to get consistent leads through referrals. I help them double that in 6 months through a structured networking approach.”

That kind of clarity gives people something specific to latch onto.

Clarity = Currency.

4. I nurtured the “in-between moments.”

Most people show up only when it’s convenient—meetings, events, or when they need something.

But I realised trust is built in the “in-between” moments:

• A quick message on a birthday
• A like or comment on a LinkedIn win
• An unsolicited intro that has nothing to do with me

These micro-moments stack up.

They say: “I see you. I care. I’m not here only for the transaction.”

5. I stopped being everywhere. I started being relevant.

One mistake I made early on was trying to be “visible” in every group, every platform, every event.

But being seen doesn’t mean being remembered.

Instead, I doubled down on a few key relationships.

I invested in becoming *valuable* to a handful of people—and let them become my brand ambassadors.

So, what really is the Referral Mindset?

It’s not about networking harder.

It’s about becoming a person others trust enough to stake their own reputation on.

Let me break it down:

✅ Think Long-Term – Relationships over transactions.

✅ Give Without Expecting – People remember how you made them feel.

✅ Be Clear in What You Do – Confused minds don’t refer.

✅ Stay Top-of-Heart – Not just top-of-mind.

✅ Focus on Depth, Not Width – A few solid advocates are better than dozens of passive connections.

What changed when I adopted this mindset?

Referrals came in with less chasing.

Conversations became warmer and more aligned.

I stopped “networking” and started connecting.

And most importantly—I stopped selling and started serving.

Your Turn

What’s one thing you’ve done that made someone refer you instantly?

Let’s share real stories. You never know who’s listening—and who’s ready to refer you next.